


i can't live, if living is without you

by MaddieandChimney



Series: Women of 911 Week [2]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:47:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27915502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaddieandChimney/pseuds/MaddieandChimney
Summary: Women of 911 Week – Day Two: “Sorry can’t fix this…” + Angst.Maddie knows he was just doing his job but the fear of raising their child alone, of doing any of this without him, overcomes her.
Relationships: Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Series: Women of 911 Week [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2044111
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	i can't live, if living is without you

“Sorry can’t fix this.”

Maddie frowns, eyes squinting through the darkness of the kitchen before he flicks the switch on and she’s staring at him. Her hands are still clasped tightly around the steaming mug of hot chocolate which she pulls a little closer to her body when he takes a step towards her. Never go to bed angry, that was what they had promised each other more than once and _technically_ , she supposes it doesn’t count because she never actually went to bed.

She doesn’t know how much time has passed since she’d stormed out of their bedroom, slamming the door behind her, leading her to sit in their kitchen, in the darkness as he’d presumably, ended up falling asleep. Just her and her thoughts. She takes a breath, glancing up at him for just a second before she decides to focus on the liquid in front of her instead. She misses coffee, even though it’s far too late at night to be consuming it but she longs for a hot mug of black coffee right then. Their daughter delivers a swift kick as though to remind her the reason why she can’t drink her favourite thing in the world right then, causing her to flinch in surprise in the way that always makes Chimney stumble towards her with nothing but concern.

She’s just not ready for him to touch her, not yet. She’ll forgive him, she knows she will because really, there’s probably nothing to forgive him for but fear had driven their argument. An unending fear that she would lose the man she loved more than anything in the world, the man who she wanted by her side when their daughter made her entrance into the world. She doesn’t say anything for a long moment, chewing on her inner cheek instead before she finally looks back up at him, “No, it can’t.”

The fact that she’s talking to him seems to drive him forward just that little bit more until there’s barely any gap between them and she both longs to touch him but also to get as far away from him as she possibly can. There’s silence, and not the comfortable kind they usually fall into when they’re snuggling on the couch or just enjoying each other’s company in the morning. This is the kind that feels tense, as though she needs to say something, _anything_ to alleviate the tension growing between them. And so she does, her words barely a whisper, “You could have died.”

Chimney is slow to nod his head, “I was doing my job, Maddie.” His voice is calm and steady, though the look in his eyes gives him away and she can already feel herself starting to relent when her bottom lip begins to tremble and her grip tightens on the mug.

“It’s not just me and you now, we have a baby to think about and you might not have made it home. Someone else could have—”

“Who? Your brother? It was an impossible decision but someone had to do it or two more people would be dead right now and I think enough people lost their lives tonight.” This conversation is a lot calmer than the one thy had been having a few hours before. Maddie filled with the reality that she could have been a single mom before their lives as a family truly started and Chimney trying to get her to understand that he would never choose to leave them. The tears fall before she can stop them, a silence falling over them once more.

The hot chocolate is starting to cool down by the time she finally talks again, her entire body shaking as she gulps, “I can’t do this without you. I don’t _want_ to do this without you.” Her words are enough to finally get him to close the gap between them as he slides the mug from her grip and pulls her into his body when her hands drop.

“And you know I will do everything in my power to make sure you never have to, I promise.” There’s strength in his voice that makes her want to believe him, hiding her face in his chest as she wraps both of her arms tightly around his waist until any gap between them is non-existent and she can feel his heart thumping against her forehead as she breathes him in, trying to remind herself that no matter what, he still made it home to her that evening. That’s all she can cling to as she feels his lips pressing against the top of her head, and the whispers of “I’m okay,” as his grip on her tightens and she can feel their daughter kicking between them.

“I love you.” He finally announces, and despite the fact he’s probably said it a hundred times over since that night at the restaurant, there’s still as much conviction in those three words as there had been the first time.

“Promise?”

“I promise.”


End file.
